::Nanuenymous::

Today, I'm going to talk about high school mentalities.

Back in high school, I wasn't famous. Let alone pulling a Plastics ala Mean Girls (well at least I hope did not). Never have I either, been one of the pretty girls whose lockers all guys and girls (be it seniors or juniors) sneaked Cadbury bars into. The kind which boys wanted to "get to know" closer, or the kind which girls (the seniors) wanted to sister-ize. I had always been that short girl curling in the corner with a pair of glasses on, watching everyone else biting free Cadbury bars while giggling and reading anonymous love letters on the weekends. If I were in Gossip Girl, I'm that Humphrey boy slash The Lonely Girl. More like a passerby, really. If high school dramas were to be filmed, my wage would be just enough to get me my own bar of Cadbury. Yes, I'm a sore loser. And here I am shamelessly admitting that.

Ok fine some might argue, nanue had love letters too but mind you, those weren't anonymous. And I know you heard I had a boyfriend when I was in high school *shoot self* but that's a whole different case allover. For the purpose of this post, I'll cut the story short. In the meantime, please keep in mind that this is an 8 years old story and I'm 21. 13 was, if I recall it properly; juvenile, bland and blatant. Back when estrogen and progesterone were peaking and popularity (especially when it comes to boys) was more or less equivalent to that designer stash you carry around and are proud of.

*masking self to prevent the radiated embarrassment*
We were all in Form 2. He wasn't into me at first, because he liked that athletic girl who champed everything she entered. She's quite fair, she's pretty, she's cute, she's short, smart and innocent. She's so innocent she didn't even care about guys liking herself that much because her hormones (presumably) weren't peaking. So, this girl ignored him and to cure his frustration, all of his friends went "There's this girl in the other class, small, short, quite fair etc etc- Nanue" and yes fellas, I was the second choice, induced by the friends. It was even sadder to know that when he first saw me, he was convinced to reject his friends' suggestion and continued with liking that girl. I was, errr sad? I think? I don't even remember but when were in form 4, we got really close (thanks to MiRC32) and we kept calling each other and everything bloomed after. Something like that. I sort of "made" him like me because of my personality *cewah* and not my degree of attractiveness because that obviously didn't work out earlier. Ouch. So, after that, I was one of the girls who received love letters and free Cadburys every weekends. But again, it never came from many resources and weren't anonymous. I'm talking about girls that are liked by many. Ok?

I hope I have made myself relevant to what I'm about to rant.
Back in the high school, anonymous love letters were the coolest. Like an iPad. No no no. Like, hitting a jackpot. It's like a determinant of where you stand in your clique and among your friends. Talk about stupidity at it's best. Back then, a lot of people took too much from the person they cared about, be it in a relationship, family members, friends, whatever. So, I was swarmed by a bunch of physically blessed beings so practically I got to eat freebies which I shamelessly beggared from my pretty friends, because they got it every outing sesh, right? I felt like a straight up loser, no one (except one) paid much attention to me because I wasn't pretty, and I didn't make the headlines either. Jealous much? Mmmmaybe. Having been in two of the most influential girl cliques in school didn't help either. Them girls, in a way, intimidated me. Daily walks to and from prep classes were nightmares. When I walked with them, I felt intimidated. Everyone knew their names, no one knew mine. I don't know why having a boyfriend wasn't the same as being liked by many. My friends had boyfriends but still, they got anonymous love letters because they're pretty and popular and all. I should be grateful because at least someone took notice of me but still, it wasn't the same. Kimpit didn't have to fight with another guy to get me because he had no one to fight with. The then stupid nanue was jealous, really. My 15 16 years old brain had some problems digesting the fact. It wasn't mind wrecking, but my head just sputtered.

However, come to think of it, I take it as a part of growing up, because I was 15 or 16. We were all 15 or 16. All I know is I suck at being a 15 16 years old girl. To those youngins out there reading this, please, do not follow my footsteps/ train of thoughts. I was naive. Very very naive.

But that was 5 years ago. Time flew and we're now in college years, moving on to the real deal. We moved on and hopefully grow mature. We need to because it's sticks and stones out there. But, when I got on Facebook and saw some of my friends, my very close ones (or more appropriately, used to be close), I grew sad. It saddens me to see how some girls which guys went crazy about back in high school still continue to live like as if they're still in high school. Even my best friends do that. The whole catching ups with them turned into somewhat disgusting stories of them and their chain of men. Changing boyfriends like diapers, flirt around, be the meanest w*ore and sell yourselves to unknown men out there, juggle your dignity and shit. I don't even care what men think of me at this point in life because if he loves me, he LOVES me. Of whatever. Because we left that 15 years old brain in our high school. We now carry a 21 22 age old brain. You see, even Andy moved on and gave away his toys to Bonnie. So, why are we staying within this line and stare blankly across the border? We should all move on and try being mature because life and time is the only 1D entity in life. I don't want you to waste it because you're my friend. I'm not saying you need to cut these people out of your life, burn bridges and leave them nasty voice mails per se, but I want these girls to love themselves, to get up in the mornings and focus on things that others can't take away -books, musics, career,studies, your loved ones, that one guy you love, whatever.
While I know everyone has their own take on everything and my life is just one of those rare instances of which I managed to stay with my boyfriend for 7 years, I also know that loving yourself and knowing what you're worth is even pricier than anything. To hell with high school mentalities. Seriously.

Now, seeing my friends' successes in life inspire me. I loved how some made it to the Dean's List, some have graduated, some are working, thinking about marriage, whatever, as long as they've shown signs of moving on. I want you to feel the same way about these people's takes in life. I want you,my friend, to inspire someone. Because I long to inspire too. If not all, some. I'm not stating, in any way, that I'm perfect. In fact, I'm nowhere near to that. Having these successful people on one side and the losers on the other made me justify the relevance of our high school mindsets. Does pretty face matters when it comes to happiness? Does popularity too, have an impact? Does knowing every secrets of the society matters? NO. Not at all. I don't get why certain people wanted to be known among men, and to them, knowing secrets are like winning a trophy of some sort. Hmmmm :(

I just want everyone to know that our lives are luck and fate and all the other unnatural reasoning for something beautiful and amazing to occur. Fight for it. Don't just leave it down the drain, honey. Because we love you. This ain't high school. This is life. Grow up. We ain't living a high school soap opera.

I hope I reminded some of us, and ultimately, myself. If I ever did anything wrong, remind this flawed Nanue to read this again with a punch in my face.