I was all about bored until I read Iman's post. I've no idea of whether Iman Azman reads my blog or not but if you do, Iman, this is in your honour. Having been thoroughly inspired after reading her take on this one, I slowly (and painfully) scribbled down all of the features that sell and eliminated those that wouldn't because this post (whether I want it or not), has minor commercial purposes.
Yo dude, call me.
13 REASONS WHY NANUE IS NEVER GOING TO BE A GIRLFRIEND/ WIFE OF YOUR CHOICE
1. Good first impression is something that she's not known of. Not that she never tried, she did for 2 decades. That didn't work out. She's destined to have combination of horrible surface areas. She's short, and not pretty. If you cannot handle that, she can never handle you.
2. She doesn't do abang, ayang, bucuk, mamapapa and the likes. So rempit-ish. Sayang, Darling, Honey, Nanue, Ina are okay. In fact, sayang is her favourite. Here's her rule of thumb: NEVER overdo special connotations, guys. If it doesn't feel like it, plain old Nanue will do. Sayang is so special, it needs special moments to squeeze that out of your tongue.
3. She's hardly moody, but she does have moods. If she doesn't feel like talking to you or cleaning up your mess, she won't. Just because. It's a Nue thing. (no pun intended)
4. Her set of genes aren't the best in the market. Math has never been a part of it, so does small, pretty aligned teeth. Refer point numero uno.
5. She's not friendly. She wants to say that she is, but whatever. Let's face this Nanue. You were never a friendly being.
6. She's one of those who understands and to her very best, practices platonic love. At least, pre-marital. Sorry N'sync, but for her, strings ARE attached.
7. In a Nanue-involved relationship, she is the pivot round which the world turns. If you win an argument, it never comes without a price.
8. She tends to compare. She knows this might be one of your major cross when looking for a girl, but seriously, what else would work when all else fail? Give her a call if you happen to know.
9. She's a nerd, she obeys stupid ass rules, like even if it says drive 25km/h on an empty road. She has bizarre fear of getting caught red-handed, at almost everything.
10. She does not know how to fill in the damn gas tank.
11. She doesn't do verbal affection as much. She's egoist like that, and she knows it's unhealthy.
12. With reference to point #1, Nanue will always remind you that she's not pretty and you have to grow old with her preaching how you could have found hotter girls.
13. She may have have to change her point of view once she had youknowwhatimean but until then, she has to admit that she thinks penises are fugly. They're gross. They sort of like this small detachable compartment of men, because they have their own minds. It gets hard for nothing. Euw.
WHY NANUE IS YOUR IDEAL GIRLFRIEND/ WIFE
1. She’s not that average pretty looking girl, easy on the eyes type but she can be hot whenever she wants. (Note: whenever he wants too, in post-marital cases that is). Told you this is commercial.
2. Her willingness to get up at 2am, make you coffee and watching you watch your favourite team plays. And hear you whine over stupid goals and explain offside thousand times over.
3. Loves spending cash on you, gets you cute shirts, shorts and slippers and shoes and shades and watches and even your undies. She'll dress you your best every morning even if she isn't in her best herself.
4. She will ALWAYS. ALWAYS. ALWAYS. Be the one who will strike on the first bit of conversation whenever you're fighting. Even after she has told you to bug off and promised not to talk for one week.
5. She doesn't speak reality. She speaks femininity. Her nonchalant screaming of "leave!" will always mean "hug me and tell me you love me". Everything will be okay after. <----- Guys, GENERAL GOLDEN TIPS ALERT.
6. She loves surprises. And giving out surprises. Whether you like it or not, future lovah, expect a quiet candle light dinner coming your way.
7. She's open to unlimited supply of babies. By babies I meant, her babies. Plush toys, cute bolsters, anything princess-y.
8. If you don’t mind sudden embrace later during the night. Because even after 2decades, thunders and lightning still scare the shit out of her. She can never sleep in peace when it's out.
9. Will always seek for your permission whenever she wants to do something, even if she wants to go pee. OK that was too much but whatever, you get the deal. Believed to have inherited from her mum.
10. Nanue LOVES small handmade cards. She’ll make you cards over the simplest thing and never expect similar thing in return.
11. She’ll put your photos everywhere visible. Even if you’re 50.
12. Now comes the best part. She's no longer a rookie when it comes to pots and pans :) InsyaAllah.
13. OK. I lied. Here’s the awesome-st part. Nothing beats her love towards you, with all her hearts and handbags and her whole wardrobe and shoes.
And I feel so honored :)
I wouldnt have the courage to put these sort of thing in writing. This takes guts man.